Parking Lot Adventures

Last week I went to the mall to watch Toy Story 3. It was not in 3D. It was barely in 2D. The movie theater is not that good. I should probably do a consumer investigative report on it. But I won't. Doing things isn't my style.

I thought that I would remember where I parked my car. I didn't. Remembering things isn't really my style either. If I had my druthers I would simply have someone carry me back and forth between my car and wherever it is that I want to be. This would be easy for the burly female who would do this, because I typically only want to go to my desk, my favorite chair, and my car seat.

I walked around the mall theater parking lot for 45 minutes before I remember that I had my phone on me. I figured everything would be good now. I called a number on the phone and asked the person if they knew where my car was. They said that I had the wrong number. The phone didn't help.

Then, as I jogged up and down the parking lot, a police officer pulled me over for speeding. I ended up spending the night in the officers car as he drove me up and down the parking looking for me car. I napped in the back. Later, I found my car in my driveway. I walked to the movie theater.

whatever

I opened up the internet today and internet explored my way to this site, not because I wanted to, but because a little bird tweeted that some guy named Wade was blogging. They said that his blog was somehow superior to mine. Is that true? That's not what Mom said when I asked. She said that this was the best blog that she has ever read. And Mom doesn't get out much. Sometimes, I'll just sit her in front of a computer screen and load up internet web logs and let her read them all day. I think that it keeps her connected to the outside world.

Oh bother. My coffee keeps dripping on my shoes. I have to go.

Where can I go to get my zipper repaired? I don't want to have to buy a new jacket, and I'm not even sure they make windbreakers in this color anymore.

Somebody offered me a plate of crawdads to eat. It turns out that crawdads is just another word for crayfish. If I had known they were a fish and not a dads, I would have accepted the offer.

If I had a dollar for every time I was Ross, I'd be able to afford ten Tootsie Roll Midgees.

A New Post

It seems that google analytics has reported a drop in hits for this site (iPhone 4 Review). I probably need to put up a new post. Droid X Review.

Here it is.

Justin Beiber

iPhone 4. Droid X. World Cup. Fifa. Justin Beiber. Weather.

Some Short Reviews:

The iPhone 4 has antenna problems. But they are probably not as terrible as the media would have you believe.

The Droid X is big. It has better battery life than the Incredible and the build quality is probably better. But it's still big.

The World Cup is over.

Justin Beiber is a singer, but I have not heard anything by him.

The weather is dreary today.

The Sorcerer's Apprentice is a good movie. Nicholas Cage needs a haircut.

eyeBook

I bought an eyeBook yesterday. Is this the wave of the future? If so, I am already there.

The Greatest Trick the Devil Ever Pulled

...was jumping over 3 yellow school buses.

Today I predict that your weather will be orange.

Ross + Floss = FlRoss

I see no reason why flossing should not be done in public. It seems that my coworkers feel otherwise.

All Possibilities, Hopes and Dreams or Zombie Armageddon

Tip of the Day

Seemingly complex problems are typically not worth solving. The same applies for problems of the difficult and easy variety. And stay away from problems that are simply problems. They are the worst.

I Had A Dream Last Night

It's Gonna Rain

Some Interesting News

Then/Now Special: Who's Still Kickin'?

I went to this site. But I didn't recognize many of the moving picture people. I think that they are catering to a younger audience. But I took some time and came up with my own list of Kickin' and Non-Kickin' famous people.

Lassie - Not Kickin'

Arthur's Mom - Not Kickin'



















No I don't.



For the Last Time - No

something we can all aspire to

I don't understand what this thing is, what it does, or why it does it, but I have some thoughts on the issue.



1. It is something that we can all aspire to be. It appears to be a box that solely exists to turn itself off.

2. It turns itself off when someone turns it on. I like that. I wish that I could turn myself off whenever someone asked me to do something.

3. Why? Why not? Or, more specifically, absolutely! Or, in this case, absolutely not!

My Thoughts? I just gave them to you.

My grandmother had the second tallest hair in the world. Unfortunately, second-tallest does not find its way into the World Records book.

On the road of life, there are passengers and there are drivers. And there are bicycles and there are skateboards and there are cars and there are pedestrians. And there are painted solid yellow lines and there are dashed white lines. And there are fruit stands.

Oh jeez. I forgot to feed my cat last week.

A Word of Advice

Sometimes a glass of orange juice and a bowl of frosted flakes is just that, a glass of orange juice and a bowl of frosted flakes.

Then, there are times when the orange juice is a little spoiled and the frosted flakes are stale.  In this case, I believe that it is best to look to the words and advice of Thomas Paine.  Mr. Paine was a person who often said smart and nice things.  This time is no different.

"These are the times that try mens souls.  The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman."

If you have ever drunk spoiled orange juice and eaten stale frosted flakes, then you know how accurate Mr. Paine's statement is.  So, my advice, give your love and thanks to those winter hardship patriots.  Those brave souls that endure the hardships of spoiled orange juice and stale frosted flakes.

Thought of the Decade

If I was you, then you would be me.

Think about it. I know I will. For Most of the day.

Where have all the cowboys gone?

Toyota, Can you Buy My Car?

Oh Jeez. I have a Toyota. Is my car a Toyota? I think it's a Toyota. Toyota, is my car yours? I don't have the time to look into these things. I need to get to work. There is work to do and weather to forecast and citizens to protect. Consumers need protection and that is what Ross is here for. Which brings me back to Toyota and it's obligation to buy my car and let me know if it's a Toyota. I don't have time for these things. Please contact me and make an offer. It is falling apart. Please?

Take On The Day

Ah. It's a beautiful day. I'm going to go out and do something. Lots of things. It's great to be productive!

500 Words on Weather

Weather is more difficult to predict than most people think. It can be rainy, sunny, cloudy, snowy, or windy. Rain can become hail. Hurricanes are different than tornadoes. Did you know this?

And standing in front of that weather screen is not easy either. You have to move your hands and point at things that are not there. It's sort of like pointing at a spring chicken. But she ain't no spring chicken!

In most other professions, the likelihood of error is much smaller than weather. If you play baseball, you either catch the ball or you drop it. You have a 50% chance. If you are a race car driver, you either win or lose. Again, it's 50%. If you are a politician, it's also win or lose. These jobs are easy. But in weather? Too many possibilities. Too difficult.

That's it. I hope you learned from this. I hope that you learned that weather people are people too. They have feelings. They/we have a tough job and they/we don't need your abuse.

Nobody Makes Breakfast Like McDonald's

Weekends

Weekends are like Weakdays. They only have 48 hours. The rest have 120 hours. 120 is better than 48.

A Tragic Accident

I spent yesterday on the floor of my kitchen, watching ants play with moldy cookie crumbs. After 7 hours of this, I accidentally stepped on Simon and Bill and Steven scattered. I'm sorry.

Numerical Weather Modeling and Predictive Technology

My work on Pollen Counts, Low Pressure Systems, and Predictive Analysis was published last week in the Weather Modeling Journal of the National Association of Forecasters. The paper focuses on the high vector count of low pressure systems as they encounter areas with high pollen densities. It turns out that as low pressure systems converge into these areas the predictive capabilities of our current radar arrays and dopler systemics increase exponentially.

Take, for example, the unparalleled analysis that Channel 7 undertook of the weather last week. Their weatherman, me, was able to predict with 90% accuracy that each day last week would display some form of alternating weather systems. We predicted with 85% accuracy that it would rain on Monday and that this rain would subside on Tuesday.

The science behind this technology is based on pollen count memory fluctuations. The floating pollards essentially capture the weather from the previous day and recreate yesterday's weather today. A quick analysis of the pollen will reveal it's intrinsic properties and chemical compositions, allowing the meteorologist to ascertain the weather for upcoming days. Thus, if the pollen count is high enough, you can accurately predict the weather. Further research should be undertaken to ascertain how high the pollen needs to be before you can undertake this analysis. My best estimates suggest that the pollen count needs to be in the upper 60 echelons before accurate predictions exist.

I believe that this research will yield amazing outcomes if we continue to research the topic. I, for one, will not pursue this any further, as the couch beckons. I leave it to my colleagues to continue this work for me.

Cheeses

There are a lot of really great cheeses out there, but nothing satisfies like a cold slice of American cheese.

?

I don't have anywhere to be today.

Judge Judy

Did anyone else watch Judge Judy last night? I was watching intently but then I ran out of Saltines and I fell asleep. I would like to know if the woman who stole her ex-boyfriend's mother's car will have to pay for the damages that she caused to the house of her drug dealer's son's nephew after she ran over the poodle. I don't think that she should since she was

This is Ross, signing off.

Oh, does anyone have any coupons for Saltines? I hate paying full price for name brand groceries, but I notice the difference with Saltines. They are crisper and saltier when compared to no-name brands. I once tried an off brand of Saltines and they were not as good.

Today's Weather Report

I don't know. It's going to be weather today. I just really don't have the energy to figure out any more stuff than that. So be prepared for weather.

Work

Boy I am tired. I can't believe that it's 8 am. I guess I need to go to work soon. The Hurt Locker won some awards the other night. Avatar did too.