500 Words on Weather

Weather is more difficult to predict than most people think. It can be rainy, sunny, cloudy, snowy, or windy. Rain can become hail. Hurricanes are different than tornadoes. Did you know this?

And standing in front of that weather screen is not easy either. You have to move your hands and point at things that are not there. It's sort of like pointing at a spring chicken. But she ain't no spring chicken!

In most other professions, the likelihood of error is much smaller than weather. If you play baseball, you either catch the ball or you drop it. You have a 50% chance. If you are a race car driver, you either win or lose. Again, it's 50%. If you are a politician, it's also win or lose. These jobs are easy. But in weather? Too many possibilities. Too difficult.

That's it. I hope you learned from this. I hope that you learned that weather people are people too. They have feelings. They/we have a tough job and they/we don't need your abuse.

Nobody Makes Breakfast Like McDonald's

Weekends

Weekends are like Weakdays. They only have 48 hours. The rest have 120 hours. 120 is better than 48.

A Tragic Accident

I spent yesterday on the floor of my kitchen, watching ants play with moldy cookie crumbs. After 7 hours of this, I accidentally stepped on Simon and Bill and Steven scattered. I'm sorry.

Numerical Weather Modeling and Predictive Technology

My work on Pollen Counts, Low Pressure Systems, and Predictive Analysis was published last week in the Weather Modeling Journal of the National Association of Forecasters. The paper focuses on the high vector count of low pressure systems as they encounter areas with high pollen densities. It turns out that as low pressure systems converge into these areas the predictive capabilities of our current radar arrays and dopler systemics increase exponentially.

Take, for example, the unparalleled analysis that Channel 7 undertook of the weather last week. Their weatherman, me, was able to predict with 90% accuracy that each day last week would display some form of alternating weather systems. We predicted with 85% accuracy that it would rain on Monday and that this rain would subside on Tuesday.

The science behind this technology is based on pollen count memory fluctuations. The floating pollards essentially capture the weather from the previous day and recreate yesterday's weather today. A quick analysis of the pollen will reveal it's intrinsic properties and chemical compositions, allowing the meteorologist to ascertain the weather for upcoming days. Thus, if the pollen count is high enough, you can accurately predict the weather. Further research should be undertaken to ascertain how high the pollen needs to be before you can undertake this analysis. My best estimates suggest that the pollen count needs to be in the upper 60 echelons before accurate predictions exist.

I believe that this research will yield amazing outcomes if we continue to research the topic. I, for one, will not pursue this any further, as the couch beckons. I leave it to my colleagues to continue this work for me.

Cheeses

There are a lot of really great cheeses out there, but nothing satisfies like a cold slice of American cheese.

?

I don't have anywhere to be today.

Judge Judy

Did anyone else watch Judge Judy last night? I was watching intently but then I ran out of Saltines and I fell asleep. I would like to know if the woman who stole her ex-boyfriend's mother's car will have to pay for the damages that she caused to the house of her drug dealer's son's nephew after she ran over the poodle. I don't think that she should since she was

This is Ross, signing off.

Oh, does anyone have any coupons for Saltines? I hate paying full price for name brand groceries, but I notice the difference with Saltines. They are crisper and saltier when compared to no-name brands. I once tried an off brand of Saltines and they were not as good.

Today's Weather Report

I don't know. It's going to be weather today. I just really don't have the energy to figure out any more stuff than that. So be prepared for weather.

Work

Boy I am tired. I can't believe that it's 8 am. I guess I need to go to work soon. The Hurt Locker won some awards the other night. Avatar did too.